Dominoes: All Fives, one against three, first to 250

Four at the table with a double-six set: five tiles each and a boneyard,
the first double a spinner that opens four ways, and every multiple of
five on the ends scored as it falls. Three computer players who count
what the table can see and never a hand, and talk the whole time.

Served at games.jcoffey.dev/dominoes/, built from this repository.

src/game/trash.ts

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+/**
+ * The player's own trash talk: a million canned lines, five at a time.
+ *
+ * Nobody writes a million lines. Four short lists do it instead -- how the
+ * line opens, what it goes after, what it is compared to, and how the
+ * comparison ends -- and every way of picking one from each is a line:
+ * 20 × 25 × 40 × 50 is exactly 1,000,000. A line's number is its four picks
+ * read as one mixed-radix number, so every number from 0 to 999,999 is a
+ * different line and none is ever stored.
+ *
+ * They are meant to be dumb. That is the point of them.
+ */
+
+const OPENERS = [
+  'Yo,', 'Man,', 'Listen,', 'Real talk,', 'No offense,', 'Bless your heart,', 'Look here,', 'Ay,',
+  'Not gonna lie,', 'With all due respect,', 'Hate to say it,', 'Honestly,', 'Ha,', 'Lord have mercy,',
+  'Somebody tell him,', 'I’m just saying,', 'Hold up,', 'Say what you want,', 'Between you and me,', 'Straight up,',
+] as const
+
+const JABS = [
+  'you play like', 'you shuffle like', 'you count like', 'you slam tiles like', 'you think like',
+  'that play looked like', 'your hand looks like', 'your strategy is', 'watching you is like watching', 'you knock like',
+  'you fish the boneyard like', 'you hold your tiles like', 'you talk trash like', 'you sit at this table like',
+  'you celebrate like', 'your spinner game is', 'your whole family plays like', 'you take your time like',
+  'you read the board like', 'you defend like', 'you score like', 'that last move was', 'you lose like',
+  'you smile like', 'you been playing like',
+] as const
+
+const LIKE = [
+  'a raccoon', 'a Roomba', 'my grandma', 'a toddler', 'a sleepy mall cop', 'a golden retriever',
+  'a substitute teacher', 'a lost tourist', 'a pigeon', 'a vending machine', 'a used car salesman', 'a mime',
+  'a lawn chair', 'a wet sock', 'a potato', 'a GPS', 'a flip phone', 'a DMV clerk', 'a sleepy cat', 'a traffic cone',
+  'a folding chair', 'a rookie', 'a garden gnome', 'a bowl of soup', 'a confused goat', 'a karaoke drunk',
+  'a parking meter', 'a broken ice machine', 'a telemarketer', 'a scarecrow', 'a turtle', 'a dial-up modem',
+  'a birthday clown', 'a screen door', 'a lawn flamingo', 'a busted piñata', 'a Sunday school teacher', 'a squirrel',
+  'a hot dog vendor', 'a weather man',
+] as const
+
+const TAILS = [
+  'with oven mitts on.', 'trying to parallel park.', 'at a funeral.', 'on a Tuesday.', 'who lost his glasses.',
+  'in the rain.', 'after Thanksgiving dinner.', 'stuck in traffic.', 'with the hiccups.', 'on its first day.',
+  'in flip-flops.', 'at 3 a.m.', 'doing its taxes.', 'in a wind tunnel.', 'that just woke up.', 'with no batteries.',
+  'at a job interview.', 'reading the manual upside down.', 'during a blackout.', 'on roller skates.', 'at the DMV.',
+  'on a sugar crash.', 'in a hurricane.', 'that lost the remote.', 'with mittens on.', 'in the wrong church.',
+  'at a spelling bee.', 'on the last day of school.', 'after two naps.', 'on dial-up.', 'with a sprained ankle.',
+  'at a surprise party.', 'in slow motion.', 'in a three-piece suit.', 'with its eyes closed.', 'that forgot the rules.',
+  'in a mall parking lot.', 'on the first day of spring.', 'after one beer.', 'with stage fright.', 'in a hot tub.',
+  'at a magic show.', 'on a treadmill.', 'that owes me money.', 'at a bingo hall.', 'that got stood up.', 'on a boat.',
+  'with a cold.', 'in a museum.', 'at halftime.',
+] as const
+
+export const POOL_SIZE = OPENERS.length * JABS.length * LIKE.length * TAILS.length
+
+/** Line number `n`, 0 to POOL_SIZE - 1. */
+export function trashLine(n: number): string {
+  let k = n
+  const tail = TAILS[k % TAILS.length]
+  k = Math.floor(k / TAILS.length)
+  const like = LIKE[k % LIKE.length]
+  k = Math.floor(k / LIKE.length)
+  const jab = JABS[k % JABS.length]
+  k = Math.floor(k / JABS.length)
+  const opener = OPENERS[k % OPENERS.length]
+  return `${opener} ${jab} ${like} ${tail}`
+}
+
+/** Five different lines, drawn at random from the whole pool. */
+export function fiveLines(rng: () => number = Math.random): string[] {
+  const picked = new Set<number>()
+  while (picked.size < 5) picked.add(Math.floor(rng() * POOL_SIZE))
+  return [...picked].map(trashLine)
+}